The Loved Ones
We are returning back to our camp after a long conflict. It is rainy here; I felt we should reach the camp before this weather changes badly. In this climate fighting in the river areas are very dangerous. Anyway our conflict came to an end. When we were alone in the camp, my friend used to tell about his family. Even though he was a senior, he never felt uncomfortable while discussing about his family with me. I too felt very happy, by seeing his joyful face while telling about his son and I felt I should have a lovable family like his. Then I started dreaming about childhood and my Anjali. We both met in an Orphanage. When she came there, she was very quiet and never spoke to anybody. First day, I did not care about her. I did not have any friends there. I was sitting alone and watching others play. I felt I should have some friends, but nobody allowed me to joined in their team. The second day, I was attracted by Anjali’s loneliness, because it resembled mine. Still I remember the day we both got introduced by ourselves. I had a magic cube in my hand, I went near her and I showed that magic cube to her and I requested her to take it. She saw my eyes and moved her head horizontally. I thought she did not like that. Suddenly she responded to me by giving a paper doll, made and given to her by our caretaker. From that day we became friends, we spent those days by playing together. At certain period, Orphanage members separated the home based on age. Then weekly once we met each other in weekend parties conducted by our committee members.
Individual decisions were always welcomed by our orphanage members. They guided us to take our own decisions. So some people were not interested to continue with their sponsors and the committee. They were whole heartedly given freedom by orphanage to terminate (free) their relation with the orphan committee. Anjali was one of those people who unbound their relation with the orphan committee and moved out to stand on their own legs. I knew the real reason for Anjali’s chose to get released from the orphanage, because I gave her this idea. Anjali’s sponsor was a foreigner, he guided her to continue her college studies, but she was no more interested in studies, main reason was she did not want to continue with her sponsors. She was interested in developing her knowledge in embroidering and textile designing. At that time, I was very much interested to join our Indian army.
One of our orphanage members guided me in a right way to be selected in Indian army. I finished my practical exam and was waiting for the date of written exam. Anjali helped me when I was preparing for my written exam. I felt very comfortable in sharing those days with Anjali. I knew she felt the same. We never discussed openly about our love, but we both knew we were in love. After my army selection, I went to her institute with some sweets and gift books. She started smiling at me, but when I showed the selection order, the brightness in her eyes and spark from her smile slowly dimmed and her face totally changed to miserable mood. By seeing her face I noticed that she was missing me. Within few seconds she came to normal, thinking that I should not feel that she is not comfortable in sending me to army. She made herself happy only because I loved this military job. She knew that joining military was my childhood dream so she pretended to be happy in front of me. I was telling to myself, I should live only for her, and whole of my life should be shared with her. I loved her so much, but she loved me more than that, as we both did not have any one to share our love as parents or brother or sister. When we were kids we both shared our love with each other, the love which we had between us also grew together with us and I felt we both together will make a lovable family. Finally we decided to marry because now I got the selection order from Indian Army and she started her own small institute for Embroidering and textile design. So now were confident and with the help of our known Church Father we became life partners.
From my childhood, my aim was to serve in military as a fighter. Every Indian will feel proud to work in Indian army. I too felt the same. I was never interested in any senior position, I want to be a great fighter. I’m proud to be a fighter. My first conflict was in Kashmiri region in 1997. I spent three years in the same region because this conflict was larger subsidy. Including this Kashmiri region, Aksai Chin was also in problem because this area comes under china. My seniors allotted me continuously in those areas. So I was not in a position to go for vacation. Letters were the only media between me and Anjali. Again we both felt lonely. Sometimes I thought I made a mistake by getting this opportunity, because, I was missing Anjali a lot. I used to remember the last day when I left to Jammu, I spent the whole day with my Anjali and we went to temple, markets and more. When I received the second letter from Anjali, I felt very happy by seeing that line, she wrote “don’t feel that you left me alone, god gave us a gift for our love now. Don’t worry I will take care of myself and our baby too.”….
Really my heart hurts me, I should not have left her like this, till now I never felt that I did not have any family environment but after seeing that letter, I got angry on god for keeping us in this situation. I don’t know what words will make her satisfied in this condition. Here, I can’t request for leave. Because this is ongoing conflict, they put me in new field by name Operation Parakram. I was not in a position to write letters to my Anjali, I know she will be worried more than me. I never got time to go to the camp. She would expect a reply letter from me. I felt ashamed on myself for giving a critical condition to my loved ones. Years passed, I spent my day and night in warfare by thinking about my Anjali and our precious baby. I was expecting the days to go to our camp and see the letters from my Anjali. She might have written about our baby. These five years armed force militants were totally not in a condition to communicate with their families, me too, and finally our batch militants retreated in June 2002. I approached my commander for my leave. He agreed. He passed my papers to the headquarters. In these two days, during day and night travel from field to camp, my whole thoughts were about my Anjali and my baby. By thinking all this, we reached our camp by our vehicles. Everybody was approaching to master’s room for getting their letters. I received four letters from my Anjali.
I sat quietly and started reading all those letters the whole night. In every letter she showed her interest on our baby, she wrote, “we got a marvelous gift from god – a baby girl and she named her as Rohini”. She did not want me to feel that I missed these days staying away from her and missed the days of kissing my baby girl. She waited for my reply after every letter. In her next letter she wrote “our girl started walking”. By seeing all these letters I did not wait I started writing for my Anjali and my girl. I wrote three pages, I did not know what I was writing, but all I wrote was about love to my Anjali and my girl. In the last line I wrote I will be coming soon.
For the whole night, I did not sleep. I was smiling and speaking to myself. Next day I went to my commander and informed about my wish to leave military services. They were shocked and I explained everything what I had in my mind. The Commander smiled at me. I don’t know the meaning of that smile. I did not care about that. I gave my request. The process would take three months. During that period, my everyday main prayer was only one “war intimation should not come “. Days were running. Another day I got one more letter from my Anjali. She was very happy by seeing my reply to her letter. By seeing her letter, I got to know how much confidence she had in me. Finally after reading that letter I felt very happy. I did not have words to write a reply to her letter, I wrote a reply in one line “Before April 2003 I will come”. Those words made her comfortable and happy again.
My papers finalized and they started my demobilization on 12th February 2003. From camp my friends gave me so many things which they got from nearby villages. I took all the items and I started my travel, I was excited and very much happy on that day when I was travelling to see my Anjali and my girl Rohini. I felt little sad because I was going with final retirement from Indian Army. My heart spoke to me “I spent some years in army for my nation and I’m satisfied on my job and I’m happy too”. My sacrifice is not at all comparable to my Anjali’s sacrifice, without any support she struggled a lot. When I left her alone, she was doing a small business in embroidering and textile design that did not give her sufficient money for her survival. With courage and confidence she gave birth to our child and she brought her up for five years without any support. We both struggled in life in different conditions. She struggled for our family and I did for our nation. Really I’m proud to have a wife like her. Once she wrote in her letter that god gave us a gift “Rohini, our girl”, but for me, god gave a gift “Anjali”. Now I got everything in my life which I lost in my childhood. Even though we both were not brought up in a family situation but the real love in us made us to full fill our needs and this sacrifice which we did is only because of our love which we had on us. I need to spend rest of my life with my Anjali and my Rohini.
Whole of my traveling days were filled with their thoughts. Third day of travel, train is approaching the place where I should get down. I had two bags in my hands and one in my shoulder. After Stepping out from the train my eyes were searching for a taxi and I found one and I took that , after few minutes the driver stopped the taxi and told me “sir vehicle can’t go in this bridge, it’s just walk able distance”. I replied “Ok I know Thank u “. I get down and I noticed that, I remember that bridge, where I and Anjali used to spend some time. Because those days, vehicles could not pass this bridge and still it’s like that. While passing that bridge I was very happy that I’m going to see my Anjali and Rohini in few seconds. I crossed the bridge, People started noticing me. I did not feel even a small change in our place. Everything remains same ‘Rathna cafe’, ’Malar Rice mill’, ‘Periyar Auto Stand’, ‘Rassi Fancy Store’ etc.
I continued my walk towards my Anjali’s institute. But unfortunately, I found her standing in a departmental store with a beautiful yellow saree which I gave on her birthday which remembers old days to me. I can able to see a little girl hiding behind her, which made me sure she is Rohini. I went near the store. After her purchase she turned back to home and suddenly she saw me walking toward them. She was surprised by seeing me. She ran towards me and hugged. My girl was few steps behind her mother. Anjali called her and she told “Rohini, come here, see your papa”. I took my girl in my hands and felt this day will not come again and said sorry ma, really I’m very sorry hereafter I won’t leave you both alone. Anjali smiled. Both of them were asking so many things to me, but I’m totally filled with happiness, I was astonished by hearing my girl speak. With my girl in one hand and my love Anjali laying her head on my other shoulder, we walked towards our home.
“We can realize the real love during our sacrifice for our loved ones”
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